Hello 2013! - Interpals

Yes, I know, I'm late to the party :P .

I'm still alive and kicking. Went through a few things, but heh, life goes on. I'm preparing another mini-trip to London this weekend (will be posting pictures for sure) but today I wanted to post also because I discovered awesome websites... but I'm still scratching my head at people's behavior.

The websites are "Couchsurfing" and "Interpals". I wanted to make new friends all over the world and, well, Facebook isn't quite helping in terms of diversity, and a friend, who uses those two regularly, invited me to them.

Couchsurfing has an awesome concept. Instead of a hotel, BOOM, see if anyone is available, save money but more than that, make new friends at the same time! Awesome idea.

Interpals is more about being "penpals" , be it through snail mail or email. I like this one better because you can actually choose countries and talk to people from there. It's nice.

But there is one beef.

One teeny tiny beef.

There is a "Requests" section. One dude wrote "No gay" on it... I wish I had remembered to report the profile. I thought it was nasty.

But here's what mine says :

Requests: 
Please do NOT write to me if you are looking for a relationship.
Also, please make an effort when writing to me. If you don't say anything, then I won't have anything to say in return.

Not much, really. I don't care if you're a guy, a girl, or where you're from.

But I've had over 20 people (no joke) writing with either a "Hello" or a "U so beautiful" or "Here is my skype" that it's kinda painful to read. Blocked/deleted right away.

Not trying to be a beeyotch, mind you. But I like actual conversations better. Already made one friend in Japan! So happy!

Why I'm still fat (will contain swear words)

Today, I am not smiling. Maybe angry. I don't know. You know how sometimes something happens and you get a lightbulb moment though ? I had one of those today.

I've been fat most of my life. I've been able to lose weight every now and then, but I gradually became what I am today, 5 ft 3 . 273 pounds. Healthy as a horse (well, so far :P ) , happy as a clam in my own little world, well, as happy as I can be without the general hassles that come with work and my personal life that sometimes goes crashing down with every bit of bad news I get.

My Youtube channel and Facebook page are named "SandrineSmiles" for a reason. I do have a rather positive outlook on life. I'm not the typical negative Nelly in the sense that I don't feel this is a productive way to live.

I am, however, a somewhat rational person and there are times when things hit me like a ton of bricks. Like that thing about being fat.

See, a few years ago, I realized I didn't need to be thin for people to like me. I just needed not to be an asshole or a huge bitch. I needed to be caring. I needed to listen. And, come to think of it, I liked it. Loved it so much I almost got lost in the shuffle, helping out and listening more than I would listen to myself.

It even came to the point where I went "screw this, if you can't handle me like this there's no reason for me to be anything different if you won't even take me as I am" . But I just used this as a mental crutch, trying to comfort myself in the fact that there are nice people out there who don't judge books by their covers and who can appreciate people in all shapes and sizes.

And today it hit me. This is why I'm still fat. It's because there are still assholes out there who think dealing with the public should be done by "pretty" people. It's because my body sees no reason to cater to that stupid standard. It's because I'm sick and tired of being seen as a glutton when all I'm trying to do it take life as it comes.

My legs aren't strong enough to go after the carrots life is trying to dangle in front of my nose as if I was a hungry donkey or rabbit. At least, I used to think so. But maybe that's not it.

Maybe my body has decided that darn it, I'll earn that carrot one way or another through my work, through my spirit, through the things I do. Not through someone's silly idea of what constitute a nice appearance. I'm fully aware that showing up to work in smelly clothing and reeking of poop would be nasty and NOT good, but I wasn't aware that having a few (okay, okay, a lot :D ) extra pounds would matter so much.

Sure, I don't really "do" makeup. Sure, I don't wear skinny jeans. Or heels (who invented those torture devices anyway ?) , but I still buy them because to me they're like feet jewellery. 

But if you ask me to do a job, you can bet your ass you'll have what you need. I'll work my ass off for you. I'll be a good listener for friends. I'll help you out when I can if you need me. I'll be happy to do many things with you. I'll be the nice stranger that helps you carry your baby carriage up the stairs. I'll be the nice lady who steps aside on the bus to let pregnant women or old people sit down. Heck, considering my support for LGBT people, I'll even be the one clapping during Pride, wearing as much rainbows as I can get (what can I say, I love color).

However, I'm not going to "photoshop myself" in real life to do that. The day society accepts me as I am for what I can bring it "as is" might be the day I really lose all that extra weight. 

My boyfriend accepts me as I am. I'll try a little for him. My family teases me gently about things. I'll stubbornly drink my soda.

Society decides to impose its silly view of a "nice appearance" on me ?

Screw this, I'm going to MacDonald's. 

Don't judge a book by its cover

Ha!

I'm fat and over the years, I've heard the comments. I've read the articles online. People seem to associate fat and sickness all the time.

I'm not saying fat people don't suffer from illnesses, but...

No diabetes.
No cholesterol.
No hypertension.
My heart is fine...

HA!

It won't hurt me to lose some weight. That's for sure. If only for the clothing ;) .

My doctor said it best :

"Psychologically, you are wonderful. You have this stomach here that you acknowledge while saying "Screw this!"

Yup. Screw this. Eventually I'll lose some weight for long term benefits, but as it stands... Screw you indeed if you think being fat automatically makes someone a lazy sick useless person :) .

The return of the copy and paste Facebook status

It had been a while.

Things were quiet.

I only saw things worthy of a Failbook post every once in a while, otherwise it was the ordinary mix of personal statuses, silly pictures, religious/political spam and game posts.

And then, it happened again.

This one is about a "legal notice" that you post as a status that is supposed to "protect your account" . Huh ?
http://www.snopes.com/computer/facebook/privacy.asp

This one is about people unclicking the "Comments and likes" to protect YOUR privacy, when all it does is that YOU do not see what they do anymore.
http://www.snopes.com/computer/facebook/timeline.asp

"Hoaxes" like these two are the main reason why I barely repost things. Sometimes I share Youtube videos (including mine, ha XD !) , sometimes the links to blog posts here, and various things... but I do not make it systematic to do so, and for example I do hide the game stuff from people who don't want to see it.

Oh well. I'll be crossing fingers. Another three posts in a row today with the "Privacy notice" that I see a few times a day. Ugh.

:(

Life IS beautiful, because sometimes, it isn't.

I know, my title seems weird. It probably is, in some way.

This month of September was, in some way, epic. Mostly because of one thing: I applied for a transfer at my company, and went through four separate interviews for it. All along the process it seemed to go rather well. The third interview was the best one, the one where I felt there was some sort of connexion.

Of course, that does not mean I feel I was owed the job in any way, shape, or form. But. One week or so after the last interview (yesterday), I was working until 2:30PM. No word then. I knew the HR lady sent e-mails around 6PM, so I checked my work e-mail then, from home.

Rejection.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in nerves all evening, and all day today (to the point where I wasn't able to go to work and had to see my doc... aaaaaaand now I have to get some procedures done to check stuff out as an added bonus, so to speak). 

The doc told me that it was probably an accumulation of things. I actually agree with that part. It feels weird to be in such a state because I'm usually a rather positive person, the one who keeps hoping, the one who smiles, the one who's the shoulder to cry on, you know ? So when stuff hits *me* , I feel like a lost puppy on a highway and it's terrifying.

I think that's part of the reason why life is so beautiful: you have to go through moments like this to appreciate everything else. My issue isn't the end of the world, and for some people, nothing dire to deal with. But for me... ah... 

My best wishes to anyone who might be reading this. As always, comments/messages welcome :) .