Sunday, October 2, 2011

On possessiveness in friendship and love and why I don't get it

That's for the little nostalgia bit because last year around this time that's where I was :D .

     Your laptop, cellphone or even teddy bear does not have a word as to where it goes, or to whom. You get in, you buy it, bring it home, and voila, you're done. Newflash for over possessive people: humans do not work the same way.

     I've seen it playing out in various ways. In friendships, it's often the person who gets jealous everytime you see or talk to someone else more, and who tells you (because feelings are feelings after all) every chance they get. I saw that at school when I was around 14. Recess time, this girl is yelling at another because *gasp* that other girl had been talking to someone else. Talk about a ridiculous scene, especially at that age.

      Sad thing is, it does not end at that age! As an adult, I've also heard many stories about instances when a so-call friend guilt trips you or yells at you because you've been to a party without them, or to a movie with someone else. I have felt sad about friends doing this before, but it was more because I had the impression of being left aside more often than not, rather than because they were "mine" .

     That's actually the reason why I find this whole possessiveness so absurd now. I used to feel so lame about things and one day I woke up and realized that HEY, just because I cannot do certain things with certain people does not mean I cannot do anything at all. And that's when I became more at peace with it. If, say, your friend goes to a party without you and you're sad about it, offer something like a picnic, a movie somewhere, you know, something else that they can do with you with pleasure. 

     And then, you have relationships...

      And to me it becomes sortof worse. Well not all the time of course, but often. Couple breaks up, the girl finds a new guy and BAM the ex comes back, and he loves her, and he misses her, blah de blah de blah. Kingsley, of Youtube channel ItsKingsleyBitch, has a good point about it in his video "Annoying Exes" . See, when I broke up with my ex, yes it stung a bit when he found someone new, but guess what ? I was actually really, really happy for him, just as he was happy when after a while I also found someone who's very nice (and it's good cause they were friends beforehand anyway :P ) . 

     Newsflash, men: if she broke up with you, it's probably for a pretty darn good reason (or you're the greatest catch ever and she's completely psycho, nuts, or both) . Let's note that it can happen in heterosexual relationship as much as in homosexual ones, from men or women... all men are not assholes and not all women are bitches. I swear!

     Because I don't have time to get into all different possibilities, we'll use the example of a guy who did a bad thing, and the girl decides to break things off. Months pass, girl lives her life and finds someone new, and BAM the ex comes back with his tail between his legs, and tells the girl how much he loves her and blah blah blah and he misses her and blah blah blah.

     DUDE. Quit it. You had your chance. She was with you, you messed up, she broke things off, and she is living her life now. She found someone new. YOU now telling HER that you miss her is probably only going to make her a little guilty... but honestly, you're just being a jerk. Let her live. Move on. She does not deserve any of your crap. 

     Oh my, I did get on a long rambling note here, right ? Yeah, sorry about that. It's just that unfair situations tend to piss me off. Long story short : items can belong to people, and people can't belong to people. Once it's over, it's too late. And that's about it.

     Remember that you can e-mail me if you have any questions you'd like me to help with, you can contact me and I will do my best... I may be crazy and I may sound weird, BUT I love the world and humans in general :P .

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